3 1/2 Weeks Postpartum

Hi everyone! I wasn't planning on writing another blog post after the birth story, however I have learned and been through some things in the past 3 1/2 weeks that I feel just have to be shared. I mainly think they need to be shared because I was not given any warning as to what I would go through physically or emotionally and I want everyone I can tell to know some things so they won't be surprised.

First I would like to start with I never believed postpartum depression or the "baby blues" were real. I was always skeptical of women who said they had it because it just didn't make sense to me. How could a woman be depressed when her baby was finally here??? Well I am here to say I was wrong. Postpartum depression is very real and I had no idea how fast it would hit me or how hard it would be to work through. We went home from the birthing center on the 19th the day after Onyx was born and that whole day I was excited that he was here but I was also very tired and ready to go home. Andy's parents were staying with us for a few days and tons of people had visited us at the center. As much as I loved seeing our friends and family I started to feel resentment towards anyone that wanted to hold my child. I felt like I had not bonded with him at all yet, it seemed like everyone wanted to snatch him out of my arms and hold him for hours at a time. That night in our room I broke down with Andy. I burst into tears and told him I felt like I hadn't gotten to and couldn't hold my son. I told him that I had sat up all day talking to visitors and my crotch and tailbone were so sore I felt like I couldn't sit up which made me feel like I couldn't hold Onyx. Andy had a brilliant idea for me to lay down and he laid Onyx on my chest. Onyx was fussing and crying but he immediately stopped when he was laid on my chest and I just laid there sobbing from the joy of feeling like I could finally spend time with my son. It sounds so silly because obviously I had held him before that time but I my emotions and hormones were so out of whack and everything was so new I just wanted to be left alone with Andy and our child.

The rest of the weekend I was overly protective and frankly jealous of anyone who wanted to hold Onyx. I didn't want anyone to hold him except me or Andy just because I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I cried so much those first days. I would just be sitting doing nothing and start crying. I cried for hours at night with just the feeling of sadness that nobody was paying attention to what I wanted. Because of my want to bond with Onyx and to be the only one to hold him I really over worked myself that Saturday. I hardly ate or drank anything because that would mean that I would have to put him down and someone else might hold him. I was also not expecting my crotch to be incredibly sore, so sore that it hurt to sit or to stand but I refused to put Onyx down and fought through the pain so that I could keep holding him. Anytime I allowed someone else to hold him (which was a rare occasion) I was so nervous and judgmental of how they were holding him. I was afraid they were going to hurt his neck or head or drop him and it was way too much to take in. I don't mind any of the people who came to see us or brought us stuff it was all so very nice and I appreciated it so much and my brain knew that my emotions were insane, however it was all so overwhelming that I really think with our next child I will ask that we limit visitors to at least 3 days after birth. Now that I know that I am susceptible to depression I need to remember to take care of myself for those few days to get my life back into order before I try to have visitors.

Once we got past the weekend and were alone with Onyx and started living our new life as parents everything calmed down for me. I wasn't overwhelmed anymore and I started feeling much better. My vagina and tailbone were really sore for about 5 or 6 days. After that they were still sore but much more tolerable and bearable. I was bleeding pretty heavy for a week and it's slowly slacked off. It's almost completely gone now which I wasn't expecting it to last almost 4 weeks! That's an incredibly long time to wear uncomfortable pads. At this point the soreness is completely gone, it went away around 2 1/2 weeks and that made it easier to deal with a baby who wanted to be held and rocked :).

As far as how coping with a baby in the house has gone. We've been doing really well. At first we were extremely sleep deprived. Onyx decided he would sleep during the day and get up night. Luckily we have reversed that somewhat and finally he is sleeping more at night. We're getting 3 hours at a time now! We love being parents and Onyx is adorable (we're biased but he is :)).

In closing of this post I hope all you ladies out there know that the baby blues are real and they are hard but you can get through it! Especially if you have support. Luckily I have an amazing husband who comforted me and helped me get through it.  :)

I Did It!!!

Oh my goodness there is just so much to write about! I have been through so much physically and emotionally and I am ecstatic to share it with all of you! The day we have been waiting for finally came this past Thursday October 18th, 2012 our son, Baby Soybean aka Onyx Geoffrey was born! I believe the last I wrote was about false labor and being frustrated... well that's how real labor sort of began :)

I'm not sure of the exact time the contractions started because it was the wee hours of Thursday morning. I wrote them off and went back to sleep even though they were strong enough to wake me up each time. I didn't bother waking up Andy because I figured they would just go away on their own again. So, all night I would wake up go back to sleep, wake up go back to sleep. Around 6:30am the alarm clock went off and Andy got up to go get ready as usual for his morning routine. I noticed as I woke up that the contractions were in a regular pattern, they also felt very different. This time they felt a lot more like period pain rather than anything else. So I decided to tell Andy how I was feeling. Of course he felt the same way I did what if this isn't the real deal and we "waste" another day off from work. My suggestion was for me to call in and tell work what was going on and tell them if it was false I would come in for a half day. Since Andy doesn't have to be at work until 9am he could just hang out with me for a few hours and see how things looked and then we could make the final judgement call. That's what we did. We went downstairs and started counting contractions. They were about 4 mins apart and were semi intense but nothing I couldn't talk through or deal with. As the morning went on they stayed in their pattern and were getting more intense. I decided to call Amy (our midwife) and let her know what was going on. As she talked to me on the phone she told me this sounded like the real deal this time and to keep her posted as to if anything changed. So we stayed at home and kept doing what we were doing. Slowly contractions got harder but still nothing I couldn't talk through or deal with. So, around 3pm I decided to take a shower because I had lost a second mucus plug was starting to bleed somewhat and had some awful diarrhea. I decided that a shower could only help me to feel better. Andy for a while now has been staying in the bathroom with me when I shower to help me in and out of the tub so I don't fall. He came in the bathroom and told me he wasn't going to worry about counting the contractions in the shower we'd just start again once I got out. As we were talking while I was showering, I would tell Andy every time I would have a contraction just to inform him. After a few minutes he said he thought that I had had a lot of contractions in a very short span. I just thought nah I don't think so. I got out of the shower, which by the way the shower water really helped to cope with the contractions. They had started getting stronger and the warm water hitting my belly just gave such relief to the strong sensations I was feeling. I decided to lay down in our bed for a little while because the contractions were getting so much stronger and I just felt the need to rest up. I laid down in our bed and had stronger and stronger contractions. Eventually I didn't feel like I could lay down and take them anymore, I needed to move. So, I got up and told Andy I wanted to hold onto him and do the birthing dirty dance I mentioned in a few blog posts back. I started doing these during the contractions and all of a sudden they became extremely intense. It was starting to hurt now. No more being completely silent besides breathing heavy when a contraction hit. Andy started watching the clock and realized they were coming every minute and lasting a minute long! He told me it was time to go, he was going to go put the stuff in the car and I was to call Amy and let her know that in just a few short minutes my contractions had gone from 4 mins apart to every 1-2 and I could no longer talk through them. I called her and her advice was definitely its time to get to the birthing center so she could check my cervix for progress. I must say, the car ride to the birthing center was absolutely terrible! Having intense contractions and being forced to sit in a car seat with a seatbelt on is awful! I hated that part. Poor Andy was telling me to close my eyes so I wouldn't see all the traffic lights we were having to stop at haha :). We finally made it to the center. Contractions were getting worse and I had them walking into the center, walking down the hall, and getting up on her exam table. I was definitely moaning at this point while trying to breathe properly. It felt like super intense period pain and it was gearing up. She got me on the exam table to check my cervix. She told me I was at 3cm. I couldn't believe it... only 3cm?!?! We still have 7cm to go and these contractions are this bad?!?! She also told me the baby's head was turned at an angle and that could be contributing to all the pain. So she got her birthing ball for me to sit on. She said it could open up my pelvis and get his head to turn. I sat on the ball in her exam room and had one after the other hard contractions. She was talking to us during all of this and she said she knew it wasn't what we wanted to hear but I was still early and she thought maybe we should go home. I just sat there thinking oh my god are we really still that early?? We've been laboring all day, I mean I realize it hasn't been hard except the last few times here but really!?! I had some more contractions and soon Amy realized we probably didn't need to leave. She told me they were so strong and close together she would feel better if we stayed. So Andy brought in all the stuff and she started showing me techniques to get the baby's head to turn. One was to stand against the wall with my hands pressed against the wall for balance and rotate only my hips during a contraction in a big open circle. We tried that and it was so painful I couldn't do that. She kept pushing me though, pressing up against my legs to make my circle bigger even though I was in horrible pain from doing those circles. She got Andy to push me too and I just tried to breathe through them but circles made each already super intense contraction 10x worse. I was starting to get nauseous at this point during each contraction. The contractions were squeezing my stomach and I thought with each one I would vomit. I kept screaming for the trash can but I never did throw up! She showed me more techniques for moving his head. Another one was to stand against the wall with my back to the wall and when a contraction came to pull up extremely hard on my stomach to pull the baby off of my pubic bone. I did that and it was crippling how much that technique hurt! I told her I couldn't possibly do that one! We tried more hip circles on the birthing ball and I then asked if it was supposed to hurt worse when I did the hip circles. She said unfortunately yeah it is because you're moving that baby's head around it's going to hurt. She then offered one last technique. She said side laying on the bed with lots of pillows in between your legs would really open up the pelvis and could cause the baby to move. I decided that sounded WAY better than the other techniques so I said yeah let's try it. I laid down and the contractions started getting more intense. She told Andy he should go get some dinner since it was dinner time and she would stay with me. So Andy left and she stayed and worked me through each contraction. She asked me if I could sleep in between, I said maybe because I was so tired at this point. She said well definitely try to sleep in between if you can even if its just dosing. I did that but they were coming so close together those doses were extremely short. Andy came back soon with a Subway sandwich for him and some apple juice for me. I thought I wanted juice but I had become so nauseous I didn't want anything near me food wise. Amy told Andy that she was going to run home and eat dinner too but that she lives right behind the birthing center. She said if anything changed for Andy to call her but for now just sit with me and go through each contraction together. After she left that's when I say the worst part started. Contractions at that point hurt. I will not lie to you it hurt. It hurt really bad when one would come and I would just yell out Andy's name during the contraction over and over. I told him later I did that because I wanted him to make it stop. I was doubting myself that I could do it and I just wanted it to end. He would lean over the bed and hug me while I was having them and try to breathe the way I was supposed to, to get me to imitate him. I tried but I just couldn't breathe properly through them. I had to pee so much during all of this too and I was convinced that each contraction on the toilet was worse than any in the bed. I would go to pee and a contraction would happen and I would say I HAVE TO GET OFF THIS TOILET! hahaha :). Then when I would stand up I was convinced it hurt more to stand. It was the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. I can understand why when offered to get out of the pain women do because it is so difficult to trust your body at that point. You are so emotionally vulnerable at that point because physically you are doing the most challenging thing of your life! Andy was awesome though, he kept holding me and hugging me and telling me I was doing great and just being there for me. He deserves husband of the year award! I soon realized that I was having contractions that were making me involuntarily push. I didn't know how else to explain that but I just felt like I was pushing and Andy said he could hear it in my voice when I would have the contraction. That's when Amy came back from her dinner. She came in and I told her I felt like I was involuntarily pushing. She said ok let's check your cervix that's sign of progression. I laid back thinking she was about to give me news like I hadn't progressed very far or something but when she checked me she started laughing. I said what's funny?? She said girl it's everything, you're at 10 cm!!! I said oh my god are you serious?!?! She smiled so big and said YES I'm serious you just went from a 2 to a 10 in a an hour and half! I said a 2? She said yeah I stretched the truth a little when you first came in you were barely at 2cm but I didn't want you to be discouraged, I could push your cervix to a 3 with my fingers but you were really around 2. I looked up at her and I said its time to start pushing right? She said yep. That's when I said OH THANK GOD! I was ready to push I wanted to meet my baby and be done with labor. She set everything up that she needed for the pushing stage and told me to sit back in a reclined position and when a contraction came to hold my breathe and push down like I was going to take a massive poop on the bed. That's when my water broke! She reached in to start seeing how far the baby's head had descended and KAPOW! It went everywhere! Like a water balloon busting. It made all three of us laugh. So I started pushing. At first I couldn't keep my air in I would let the breath out as I pushed but soon I got the hang of it. Each contraction I would push around 3 times. Then in between contractions was a resting time. I LOVED pushing! It felt incredible to finally be able to do something productive during labor. She and Andy would push my legs back as I was pushing to give my leverage. She also did a lot of perineal massage during the pushing to stretch me out and was putting olive oil on me to soften up my perineum and vagina. She soon recommended side laying to push because I got stronger urges that way. I pushed that way for a while then she had me lay flat on my back. She said that she could see the head now without me pushing. Andy had told her earlier that he wanted to catch so she told him he needed to come around to her because we were about to have the baby. I forgot to mention she would periodically take pictures to let me see my progress and at one point got me a mirror so I could see what I was working towards. She told me to reach down and feel the baby's head, when I did I started crying. All of a sudden it was real there was actually a baby coming out of me and it was only going to be a few more minutes. When the baby's head got down into the canal it was intense pressure. Not painful just the weirdest pressure I have ever felt. Andy said I was wide eyed the whole time saying "oh my god oh my god I can feel the head in the canal" hahaha. As I pushed to get the head out it burned. I told her it's burning it's burning and she said that's normal its stretching. I pushed through the burn and she told me to stop pushing to just breathe through it because his head was coming out. I did and his head emerged. Andy started crying he said "oh my god honey the baby's head is out!". She told me to push again and I started pushing. With two more pushes I felt my son slide out and he was here!!! Andy caught him and Amy got all the mucus out of his mouth and nose and Andy put him up on my stomach. That was absolutely the most amazing feeling ever. I had birthed out my son without intervention through nothing but love and dedication and he was here! I couldn't believe how much love swooped over me as I looked at this beautiful baby boy laying on my stomach. I just laid there and stared at him, I was crying and smiling and just the happiest person on the planet! Andy soon cut the cord and I was able to hold my little boy on my chest. It was transformative. We were parents and it was the greatest feeling ever. Amy let us enjoy him for a little while before coming and saying she needed to weigh him and get his measurements etc. Andy went with her to do all of that and I just laid there just so excited that I had done it! I had doubted myself in the extremely hard part of labor but I had done it! They came back in the room and she started seeing if my placenta was ready to come out. I must say I had read in all the books about labor that the placenta emerging was the third stage of labor. I honestly don't know why they count that as part of labor. It's so easy. You lay there while she pushes on your belly and it falls right out of you. I thought the placenta was crazy cool though! It looked like a huge heart with a cord attached to it. It was really neat to see. She checked everything on me and no tears! I had birthed out an 8lb 3oz baby with no tearing! That was amazing to me! She said I had trauma to my vagina you know like as would be expected and I would be swollen for a while but that everything looked fantastic. The only other thing she did was push on my belly really hard to get more blood out of my uterus. That part hurt but compared to what I was just going through it was nothing! I got cleaned off and panties and a pad put on and was able to get back in bed with my husband and new son and just enjoy life. She actually bought me a steak dinner that she brought to me right after and I thought that was amazing! That's definitely an experience you don't get anywhere else ;). I ate dinner, had a Dr. Pepper, because I wanted a soda so bad since I hadn't been able to drink caffeine, and Andy and I enjoyed our new son the rest of the night. It was the most amazing thing I have ever done and ever will do. I feel like I could take on the world now! That nothing can stop me because I did the most physically challenging thing a woman can do in her healthy life and I did it without any type of medicinal intervention. Life is amazing!!!!!!

A Pretty Miserable 4 Day Weekend

So, as some know I left work Thursday around lunchtime due to increasingly strong regular contractions. We were sooo excited and ready to meet Baby Soybean! It seemed like this was it! We got home and got comfortable and waited out the contractions. I called my midwife to let her know what was going on and she said just to give her updates as we progressed. As the hours went by contractions slowly got closer together and more intense. I did eventually lose my mucus plug and had bloody show after that. Andy is an amazing coach by the way because he helped me relax and reminded me to breathe through each one. Around midnight I fell asleep on the couch only to be awakened shortly after by way more intense contractions. I told Andy I wanted to go upstairs and lay down in our bed to labor up there. So we head upstairs, lay down and for the next 2-3 hours had contractions every 3-4 minutes each one lasting a minute long. They were definitely intense but nothing I felt like I couldn't handle. I kept thinking about this big group of muscles working hard for me and each one was getting me closer to meeting our baby. Eventually around 4AM they started slacking off a bit, becoming less intense and not as close together. Andy and I both fell asleep only to be awakened by our alarm clock at 6AM. When I woke up at 6 everything felt weird about my body. I was still having contractions but they had gone back to being less intense and were irregular. I laid back down for about an hour and woke up again to contractions. At this point I was frustrated and confused. Andy said it was time to go downstairs and try to get my mind off of everything. So we came down and watched tv. Keep in mind I'm still having contractions every once in a while they gear up and are intense but then go right back to being irregular and mild. I called into work because I was still thinking ok baby could still come today because I'm still feeling these intense contractions, plus we had only had maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep total which wasn't making either of us feel great. As the morning went on I decided to call the midwife and give her an update of what was going on. She said just to rest and take it easy and try to ignore the contractions as much as possible not to dwell on them. So I did that I took a few naps and tried to ignore what was happening. By the afternoon I was feeling nauseous and had diarrhea for the rest of the day. Still irregular contractions on top of that. Yesterday same thing.... irregular contractions, nauseous and diarrhea.... today same thing irregular contractions, nauseous and diarrhea. Not to get too gross but I have gone to the bathroom so much at this point that I sit there and just have the cramps and nothing comes out. I've been trying to keep myself hydrated as much as possible because I know I need fluids. So far though, still no baby. It's been a very frustrating 4 days but there really isn't any need for concern. Lots of people have this happen they just never talk about it which is why I'm blogging about it to share it with all of you! The bright side of it all is that nobody has been pregnant forever so this will end eventually and now we've had a trial run at this and know we can do it! We're at 39 weeks and pressing forward through the frustration!!!!

Beginning of the 9th Month and the Awesome Birthing Class

Wow this is going to be a long blog! I have so much to say from last week because so many things have changed and happened and I have learned so much! Before I get started I would like to preface this post with I will be using technical words to describe things that are going on in my body and/ or will be going on in my body that I learned from my birthing class. I know some can be offended but I mean no offense just to inform everyone in an adult manner of what pregnancy and what I have been told birth are like.

So, let's get started! I am so excited about starting month 9!!! It's the month we've been waiting for right?! As exciting as it is, things have started getting extremely difficult. I have been saying I'm not handicapped or disabled but this past week has definitely started to feel debilitating. My feet and ankles have started to swell. I had always heard of swelling in the feet and ankles but never realized that it can be extremely uncomfortable. If I stand too much they tend to get really bad so sitting has become my go to and when I can, I elevate my feet. Usually when I wake up in the morning I have ankles again but they are still slightly swollen. This is normal and nothing to be concerned about because as I learned I have 7 pounds of extra fluid in me right now that my body is trying to process!!! How insane is that?! My hands have also been swelling a little bit so wedding rings have definitely been off for a while. I would like to add that any severe swelling should be reported to your doctor or midwife because it can be a problem but mild swelling is just part of pregnancy even though its uncomfortable.

The other weird or at least unexpected symptoms I have had, all have been uterus and vagina related. Thursday night I had a very intense Braxton Hicks contraction. I say intense because it actually made me stop reading the magazine I was reading and think about what was happening. I still wouldn't describe it as pain though. It only felt like pressure, intense pressure yes but just pressure. Yesterday, however it felt like the baby was going to fall out! The only way I know how to describe it is having a bowling ball in my vagina. And along with that I would have these sharp twinges in my vagina that would come and go. I asked last night at the birthing class what in the world that was and guess what?!?!?... It's the baby's head on my cervix. Baby soybean has officially dropped down and has it's little head ready to come out. She said it doesn't mean that labor is extremely close but it does mean that everything is coming into place to get labor started! That got me soooo excited, which leads me to the 2nd half of the blog and that's to tell you about the birthing class with the doula!!

OK! The things we learned last night at the birthing class, oh my gosh it was so much I hope I can remember everything! She went over how to think about birth and labor. Labor can be a positive thing even though in our society its seen as a traumatic and horrible experience.  The first step is to think of birth and labor as positive and embrace the things that my body is about to go through. I've definitely done that. I am excited to get to experience labor and I can't wait to actually do it pretty soon! The next step she said was to make a plan in my head of what I want my birth to be like. Do I envision it peaceful, or fun or with candles? I should discuss this with Andy and what I expect out of him during the process as well. She said to make this plan and then let it go. Sounds weird right? But she said it's important to have a plan but it's also important to be ok with things not going the exact way I envision it because birth is unpredictable. Anything can happen that could change the scenario I planned for and I shouldn't be disappointed about that, I should just accept that my baby is an active participant in the process and it decides sometimes how it wants to come. She also suggested a what-if plan for birth. I need to be mentally prepared for something happening and we have to go to the hospital so that I won't feel like a failure if that is the case. There are needs for interventions however it's not 50% of the time like it is in most hospitals in America. I thought it was a great idea for making sure my wishes are met even if for some reason we have to go to the hospital.

Next we discussed when to go to the birthing center. How early should you go, what should we take etc. To describe to us when we should start heading to the birthing center she described the 3 stages of labor to us. The first being early labor where contractions are 20 minutes apart and are not very intense. She told me most women begin this process at night and sometimes don't even realize they've been in labor until they notice they have gone to the bathroom about 4 times in an hour because of contractions. Her biggest advice was this, its ok to be excited that the day is finally here but don't get up or wake Andy up, just lay down and try to sleep through as many as I can. Most first time labors take on average 12-18 hours, so if I can sleep during a lot of the contractions do it, because 18 hours later I'm going to need all the energy I can get! She said to ignore it as long as I can. Eventually contractions will become closer together and get to where I can not do something else or think about something else while one is happening. This is when I am supposed to leave work, if I'm there or if it's at night that's when I wake up Andy. Now you would think that means its time to go to the birthing center but its not. Andy is my coach and we will do most of my labor at home. She taught him techniques of massage last night in order to get me through the contractions as they get more and more intense. She taught us a move called the birthing dirty dance (it made me laugh). The way you do it is I put my arms around his neck and he puts his hands on my hips. I squat down pretty low and do big circular movements with my hips. His hands on my hips are to guide me to make as big of a circle as I can and my arms around his neck are for support so I don't topple over. We tried it last night and it felt great already! The squatting opens up the pelvis and takes the pressure of your cervix so I was instantly more comfortable, I can definitely see how that would help! The other techniques she taught him were to get me to take huge steps like a lunge that we used to do in PE class. That is also to open up the pelvis and to stretch out my leg muscles. She said usually you will only get in about 3 or 4 steps before another contraction happens and then comes the birthing dirty dance.  Massage techniques were to show Andy how to put counter pressure on me. Counter pressure is used to help my body concentrate on another part of the body other than the uterus while a contraction is happening. I should stand facing a wall with my hands above my head on the wall and me leaning into my hands with my head. Andy can then push on my hips and lower back to give me the counter pressure I'll need. The main thing to remember about this technique is that the pressure has to be extremely hard for it make any difference to the laboring woman so Andy should push harder than he thinks he should. It should seem like it would hurt me but not to worry it won't!

So in labor we are past the early stage and into where the contractions are coming a lot closer together and I am getting more serious. During all of this Andy's job is very important. Not only should he be using the techniques I just mentioned but he should also be reminding me to change positions every 20 minutes and going to the bathroom every hour. The positions are important as well. Since I have already been told that our baby is head down and its back is hanging out on the left side of belly I should start out laying on my right side. This way gravity will cause the baby to move to the right side then after 20 minutes I should switch to my left side causing the baby to move again to the left side. She stressed that laying on my left side first could cause the baby to flip over into the posterior position meaning its back would be against my back, and this could cause horrible back labor. So I will definitely be remembering that! Andy's job also is to make sure I eat or drink something every 20 minutes as well. She suggested easy to digest things such as juice, cereal, things like that and to make sure I am getting carbohydrates and protein. These two things are essential to keep my energy up to make it through what she described as a marathon your body is running.  My job through all of this is to relax. Contractions are more painful the more tense you are. Resisting the contractions and fighting against them is what causes the labor to be longer and extremely painful. I need to focus on relaxing every muscle in my body except the uterus working. Allow it to work the way it's supposed to and breathe! Breathing is the crucial part. She told us about the uterus not getting enough oxygen can actually cause it to cramp up like a charlie horse in your leg. This would cause the contractions to be excruciating, so breathe normally and deeply in through the nose and out through the mouth. Another one of Andy's jobs to make sure I'm breathing correctly and reminding me to relax.

So when do I need to go to the birthing center?? We're still at home at this point. When contractions are at least a minute to a minute and half long, are 5 minutes apart and have been for the past hour it is time to head to the birthing center. She suggested Andy already have the car fixed up for me by putting the bags in the car, the car seat and the super absorbent pads in the passenger seat in case my water breaks on the way. Interestingly enough I always thought my water would break and then I would go into labor, she said that most women's water does not break until 7cm dilated! That really shocked me! She said if my water does break before that I need to call the midwife right away because once the water is broken there is a time table you are on so that you do not get an infection. We are to text the midwife during early labor to inform what is going on and that labor has started and just give her random updates throughout to let her know where we are in the process and of course call her to tell her we are on our way. She told us the car ride should be as smooth as possible. It's important to drive the speed limit and for me to just continue breathing and Andy to continue to coach me through each contraction with his voice.

So we get to the birthing center active labor is going strong we're getting closer than ever to meeting our baby. The part she said is critical is the emotion I will feel as I get closer to 10cm dilated. Every woman gets to a point where she looks up at her coach and says she doesn't think she can do it anymore. The contractions are extremely close together and intense and she's been doing this for hours. It is crucial for Andy at this point to remind me how great I've been doing and encourage me because usually when a woman reaches this point she is usually only 1/2 and hour to 2 hours away from the pushing stage! She just needs a little reassurance that what she is doing is difficult and she's been doing beautifully and can continue on!

Finally, after all this labor its time for pushing. She told me to remember that a lot of times pushing takes a few hours for a new mom and that's the way it should be. Each push stretches out the vaginal canal slowly to prevent tearing and she told us it is extremely rare for a natural birth woman to tear. She isn't rushed and she is encouraged to get into whatever position feels right for her. She told me to remember to take a deep breath and then push until I need to breathe again then stop and take a breath. Never should I try to hold my breath longer than it feels right and always breathe well and deep. Obviously pushing ends when the baby emerges and we have our little one in our arms. She suggested we discuss what we want at that moment. Does Andy want to catch, or cut the umbilical cord etc.

It seems we have a lot to plan and discuss, but it was also reassuring because we had already packed a good bit of stuff for labor. I really can not wait until the day comes and we get to meet this little baby that will be our son or daughter! It's going to be an absolutely incredible experience and we're both going to deliver our baby together in love.

Last Week of Month 8

Oh my gosh! Can you believe it??? 35 weeks!!!!! We are only 2 weeks from full term and only one week away from starting the ninth month! The month we've been waiting for right?!?! I can't even describe how excited I am about our life right now. We have our budget finally evened out to where we are comfortable with how it looks, we have the nursery finished and our baby will be here in 2-5 weeks! Braxton Hicks have been getting more frequent which gets me super excited every time I feel one and its time to start packing for the big day. Really soon we will be going to a doula class about how to coach during birth and what to expect. I'm sure that blog will be written as soon as we get back because I am sure I will learn a lot!

Let's see the symptoms and stuff that has happened the past 2 weeks....
Well I was told multiple times that the GBS test was going to be AWFUL. It's not. I was shocked at how simple it was and how it really wasn't a big deal at all. I'm learning people tend to exaggerate medical procedures so I think I am going to just block out stuff that people tell me. I'll know the results of the test in two weeks, when I go back to see the midwife. And just as a side note... I LOVE my midwife!!! She is so great! Every time I see her she is pleasant and happy, she truly loves her job and it shows. I am so at ease with her and I'm sure that will help tremendously in the birthing process.
Swollen ankles and feet have been a big thing! Usually they are down every morning but by the end of the day they are swollen right back up. Not a huge deal but it looks horrible.
I've also had shortness of breath every once in a while. That tends to happen at random times and it is just the baby pushing up on my diaphragm. If I breathe in deep the baby tends to move away from it and ta-da no more shortness of breath.

Before I close the blog I have to brag on my hubby for a second. He has been absolutely incredible during this pregnancy! He has picked up slack when I couldn't do things around the house, he's made sure I was feeling ok and has offered multiple back, feet and neck massages when I wasn't feeling well. He is such a great man and I don't brag on him enough :). I am one lucky woman to have him as my husband and our child is going to have an amazing father!

33 weeks... wow!

I want to apologize again for not blogging in soooo long. I really had forgotten about it until a friend mentioned it to me Saturday while taking our maternity pictures! We are at 33 weeks!!! Oh my gosh can you believe it?!?! Only 7 weeks to go (maybe) and I absolutely can not wait! I don't think I'm going to make it to 40 weeks, I don't know why I just have a suspicion that Baby Soybean will be making his/ her grand appearance a little earlier than 40 weeks. Time will tell though.

So to catch everyone up on what's been going on these past weeks. I've been getting much, much bigger for one, and with that has come some ailments of which I wasn't really expecting. The big one just being overall discomfort. As your belly grows your center of gravity changes and shifts so walking turns more into waddling and waddling is not good for your hips or back. I've been going to a chiropractor every two weeks to put me back in line which helps a lot! Every time I go see her my hips are way out from where they are supposed to be and as soon as they are set back it feels like I can walk again. I have woken up with terrible hip and back pain from having to lay on my side plus the from the fact that my hips are out from where they should be. That's proven to be pretty uncomfortable but I've made it through so far :).
I've also noticed stretch marks forming :-(. Strangely enough they are only on my thighs and hips... which makes me wonder if they are more of a busted blood vessel from the extra weight rather than from actually stretching. All of my pants fit exactly the same and I would think if my legs were stretching that much my pants would be way too tight. I have found one thing to be working on the stretch marks and that is Palmer's Tummy Butter. I absolutely hate the way the stuff feels on my skin, its so greasy and thick but its the only thing that seems to be making the marks go away. I hope it continues to work too because I do not like those big purple lines!

My belly isn't the only thing that's swelling! My feet and ankles are taking a beating from carrying all the weight too. My poor ankles the other day looked like the tops of muffins coming out of the top of shoes! Luckily when I get home and prop up my feet the swelling immediately starts to go down, and usually the next morning I have ankles again.

Braxton Hicks contractions!!!! Ok, so I had never heard of these until I became pregnant so let me tell any one who is unaware of what they are. Braxton Hicks contractions are contractions of the uterus that is a sort of "warming up" process for labor. A pregnant woman has Braxton Hicks her entire pregnancy but usually can not feel them until her third trimester. I started feeling them a few weeks ago and I think they are so cool! I don't think they hurt at all, its just a pressure or tightening feeling in my stomach and it gets me so excited that my body is getting ready for labor. I have heard many women say they thought Braxton Hicks hurt but so far that has not been my experience, I guess everyone is different.

As the third trimester continues I have also noticed lots and lots of hunger. I feel like I constantly eat now, which makes sense, the baby is gaining pounds now not just ounces. Luckily, and I am so proud of this, I have only gained 29 pounds so far! It looks like more because of how much my belly has grown but the scale doesn't lie :). The only thing I have been doing different than many pregnant women is eating a healthier diet. I've been trying to eat a lot more veggies and fruit when I'm hungry rather than running for the sweets. I'm hoping that the extra weight just falls off after birth, I even read you burn 1000 calories a day from breastfeeding!!! Isn't that an insane number?!?! I love how our bodies work!!

Oh my gosh how can I forget the one thing that's been driving my crazy?! The frequent trips to the bathroom. It's not a joke that pregnant women have to pee all the time. I have to pee at least every two hours, including when I'm sleeping. So, yep, you guessed it, I get up every two hours every night to go to the bathroom. Maybe that too is our body's way to prepare us for when the baby is here and wants to eat every two hours. Again, pretty cool but super annoying sometimes.

I'll end this blog post on a cute note. Baby soybean has been getting the hiccups... constantly. If I had the hiccups that much it would drive me nuts but the baby seems to be fine with them. It makes me smile when I feel them because I imagine baby hiccups are absolutely adorable. There has been lots and lots of movement in my tummy and you can see it from the outside. All of a sudden a big wave goes across my belly, or a little bulge pokes out.

I'm getting so excited that we are so close to actually meeting our baby. I can't wait to experience labor and accomplish a feat that I believe to be one of the most important challenges in a woman's life. I just know the tears are going to flow when that beautiful creature inside of me is placed on my chest! :-) It's going to be absolutely incredible!

Ouch That Hurts!

Hi everyone. It's been a long time again and I apologize. I have been nesting!!!! We have been cleaning and cleaning and organizing and I think its finally done.  So here I am stuck with insomnia so I thought it would be best to write about it.

We are at 25 weeks. Can you believe it?!?! I know I can't. It seems to be flying by! And since we are 3 weeks from the third trimester, I am really starting to feel the pregnancy pains. I am in a constant state of uncomfortable. My back hurts, my legs get crampy, my feet and legs swell, and the worst is the insomnia. I absolutely hate to complain but its starting to get to me :(. The thing that has been the most frustrating is that I really try not to complain but when I finally do to let off a little steam it seems like a lot people either don't believe me or down-play how I feel. I've been told I'm not that big, I'm not that far along etc all as reasons to say I shouldn't be in pain. I don't really feel these comments are warranted though. I understand that I have only gained 20 lbs but I'm also carrying all out in front, that means my back is going to be hurting alot  because of the strain. Leg cramps and insomnia are extremely common in women at the end of their 2nd trimester and continue on into the third. And who hasn't heard of women's legs and feet swelling during pregnancy?? I don't know maybe I'm too sensitive but I feel like I've done really well and the insensitivity really really upsets me. It's not just one person or a couple of a people believe it or not this keeps happening to me.

I say all that to say this. Please be kind to people, pregnant or not. Some people hold in alot of emotion and you may be unaware of how badly they really feel. If they do decide to let you in on a small portion of their emotional state, be sensitive. Love you guys!

My Big Secret

Well, I'm sure everyone is wondering what the title of this weeks post means. It is definitely something I have been struggling with and it is something that I wasn't going to share with everyone. However, I've been convicted to share. So I am coming out of my own comfort zone this week and letting everyone in on my personal life.

This is not my first pregnancy. Andy and I got pregnant right before Thanksgiving last year and were planning on telling the whole family at Thanksgiving dinner. However, I lost the baby about 2 days before. I was only 5 weeks along but I was still very attached to the thought of being pregnant and was devastated to find out I had lost it. I had gone to the midwife right after I got a positive pregnancy test to get it confirmed with a blood test. She called me a few days later and said she wanted to test my blood again because my HCG levels were so low. I really didn't think anything about that because I didn't know a lot about HCG levels. I learned however extremely low levels, like mine were, indicates you will more than likely miscarry. I was so excited that I was pregnant and was getting more excited by the day. I had cramping but thought that was normal (which it is in a lot of women) until I went to the bathroom at work and I was bleeding horribly. Somehow I kept my composure long enough to make it to my car to call Andy but that's when I lost it. I cried and cried and bless his heart I'm surprised he could understand anything I was saying. I called my midwife shortly after and she told me she expected it because of the HCG levels. Later in the week I had to go see her and I was filled with questions, does this mean I will have problems carrying children? did i do something to cause this?? Of course the answer was no to my questions. Basically what happened is completely normal, sometimes chromosomes are really messed up and your body gets rid of what would be a child because it wouldn't survive anyway. This all made sense to me because I have a biology degree but it didn't stop me from being extremely sad. The part of the story to pull on your heart strings even more is when I went to the midwife's office right after I had lost it there was a little girl in the waiting room with her pregnant mom who came and sat by me and said "do you have a baby growing in you too?". I really cannot tell you how I didn't burst into tears when that little girl asked me that but somehow I did and just said "no sweetheart I don't have a baby growing in me". She was such a precious little girl and she was so drawn to me that day and even wanted to stay with me in the waiting room while her mom went back for her appointment. I said it was fine if she stayed with me and we played with toys and talked and actually had a decent time. I truly believe that little girl was sent to me because I needed it so badly that day. It was a reminder that this wasn't the end of the world and one day I would have my own child to play with.

Now, with all that being said, baby soybean is fine!!! The midwife has assured me there is no reason to be concerned whatsoever about him/her. It is a scary thing though to have gone through one miscarriage because you constantly worry that something is going to happen to this one (even though it's irrational). I have gotten much better from talking to other women who have gone through the same thing as I have, and having such a supportive husband, family and friends. Interestingly enough this is not uncommon. There are so many women who have had one or even multiple miscarriages who have never told anyone. I completely understand not telling people. People say things that are insensitive and the last thing you want is sympathy during that time, but I think maybe it is time to break the mold a little bit. I felt like I was the only woman who had ever had to go through this because people won't talk about it. I truly believe it helps to talk about it and I truly believe we women can help each other more than anything else. I am willing to talk about it now and I would be more than willing to talk to anyone else who needs that ear to listen when her world is falling apart.

I don't think I will regret this post. I do truly feel that God wants me to share this with everyone because it could potentially help someone else. I would rather be out of my comfort zone and help someone than be in it and never get to help :) I love you all very much!

TMI

Hi everyone!!! Remember me?!?! I'm so sorry I haven't written in so long. Truth be told I have been falling asleep right after I eat dinner and don't wake up until the next morning :).

So I have tons to say and I want to issue a warning... this post will have what some people would consider TMI or taboo. If you are one of these people that would like to remain ignorant of some the less than attractive things that pregnancy brings, or you just don't want to know that much about me please stop reading this post now. Nobody can say I didn't warn you. I told you guys I was going to be honest so honest is what I shall be.

Pregnancy brings about many changes in ones life. The first obviously being that you realize you are going to be responsible for another life in a few short months, the other changes however, most women don't talk about. I am not one of those women. I think its time that we got out of our comfort zone a little bit and talked about the things nobody tells you about pregnancy. The first being this. You sweat! I don't mean like glistening streaks running down your body like a male gym fantasy I mean you sweat!!!! Your body heat is already higher because you are pregnant and where do you think it gets the hottest??? That's right ladies, your crotch. Now, if you've been female your whole or at least most of your life (which I assume most have) you know that women's genitals have an odor. Usually, you can not smell that odor because we have good hygiene in the year 2012 and take regular showers. However, all of us ladies have worked out really hard (at some point or another) and gotten really sweaty and smelled a not so pleasant odor coming from our panties.... yep that happens in pregnancy. You end up sweating so much that you start to stink. I can only imagine that it gets worse the hotter it gets outside.

Next up on the embarrassing pregnancy symptom that nobody tells you about, also deals with the genitals. Discharge. You know the mucus you see when you're ovulating? It actually secretes more when you're pregnant and everyday rather than just a few times a month. Now I haven't had as big of a problem with this, mainly because it gets more intense later in pregnancy, but I have heard some women have to use panty liners by the end because it is so much.

One that has surprised me greatly is body hair. Everybody has body hair as much as we don't want to admit it (probably because that would mean we don't look like those hairless supermodels) but we do. Everyone has hair all over their body. It's usually fine, whitish hair that is barely visible unless you look really close. Look closely no longer. Body hair becomes much darker, and very visible. I have always had white hairs on my belly (like any other mammal) but I noticed the other day its starting to look like a monkey on there. Those hairs aren't white anymore, they are black. I don't mind, I mean there is nothing I can do about it but I know that some women would be appalled if not warned about this. Sorry ladies, its just one of those things.

Let's talk about poop for a few minutes. We all poop, I mean there's even a children's book that teaches kids this concept, but we don't like to talk about it. I would like to share my pregnancy poop quest with you, though. I have had a very strange digestive tract ever since I was in high school. I usually didn't go everyday usually every other day and a lot of times the smallest thing would give me diarrhea. When I first got pregnant, I had very loose diarrhea. It wasn't like being sick diarrhea but I knew something was off, which is one of the reasons I suspected I was pregnant. As the pregnancy has progressed so have my pooping habits. I have gone to going about every other day to every day sometimes more than once a day. It is not diarrhea anymore either it is very normal, and almost as if I really am pooping for two. I feel like pregnancy has helped my digestive tract and made it more regular and the way it should be except for going more than once a day. That could be all the food I eat though :).

Pimples. Pimples. Pimples. I felt like I was back in high school with the acne I had at the beginning of this pregnancy. My face was extremely oily, along with my hair, which caused breakouts. I really wasn't expecting this and was shocked at how many bumps I had. Now that I have made it into the second trimester my skin is evening back out and hopefully my hair will follow suit. My skin is almost completely clear now and I'm starting to get that pregnancy glow :) yay!!! :)

Now for the grand finale of the embarrassing/ TMI of the pregnancy issues... sex. Some people have different view points on sex during pregnancy. There hasn't been anything proven to harm you or the baby, the only advice doctors and midwives give is if you have any bleeding you should refrain from sexual activity. As long as that doesn't happen sex is perfectly fine... the thing they don't tell you is how difficult it can be with a belly, or if you'll even want to have sex. At the beginning of pregnancy you probably aren't going to want to do anything. You feel weird and sometimes bad and sex is not a priority in your life. I hear later like second and third trimester it becomes a huge priority for some women. I haven't made it to that point yet, I don't mind the idea of sex even though the belly can get in the way (which obviously there are ways around that I won't get crude with you guys) but for the most part its trying to get comfortable. I don't mean just comfortable for intercourse I mean just comfortable in general. I am constantly uncomfortable whether it be my hips or shoulders etc. and I am constantly trying to get in a comfortable position to sit or lay or stand and obviously that can kill the mood a bit.

So this concludes this segment on what women don't tell you about. I hope I haven't offended anyone and maybe taught you something you didn't know. I have no complaints about any of these things I just wish someone had told me so I would have known. :)

Men's Underwear and Chicken Quesadillas

My mom had a saying "you know you're really pregnant when your husband's underwear fits better than your own". If that statement is true then I am SUPER pregnant! For the past 3 days I have been wearing Andy's underwear, and it fits amazing! I think he may be getting tired of it though, it is probably time for me to go buy my own new undies that fit me but they just may have to be men's.

QUESADILLAS!!!! I cannot eat enough chicken quesadillas!!!! they are so terrible for me and baby but for some reason that's what he/she wants. I like to think my child will be very exotic and like foreign things. When I first found out I was pregnant it was Chinese food everyday now it's Mexican, all foreign foods. Anyway that's the craving so far. When Andy asks what I want for dinner I just look at him like you know what I want, its what I've wanted for a week. The other crazy thing about food these past couple of days has been getting enough of it. I feel like a bottomless pit. I guess that means he/she is about to go through a growth spurt so I assume the belly will be getting much bigger soon.

My only issue this week has been getting comfortable. It seems regardless of sitting, standing or laying down I cannot find a comfortable position. So, obviously that means my sleeping hasn't been wonderful. I've been trying meditation to get to sleep and so far its worked decent on getting me to fall asleep. I'm learning to drown out the uncomfortable aches and pains and focus on relaxing... which will really come in handy in the birthing process.

A Heartbeat Not My Own

So, as you probably know, I got to hear little soybean's heartbeat this past week. It was absolutely amazing. If you know me pretty well (or just read my facebook status updates) you will probably know that I don't think life begins at conception, I believe it begins at a heartbeat. So it has been confirmed in my eyes that little soybean is in fact alive.

Its very difficult to put into words what I felt when that little heart was heard on the machine. My midwife told me not to be concerned if we couldn't hear it this early but she wanted to try and see if it was there. She started wandering around on my belly with the machine and all of a sudden it was BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. I couldn't stop smiling! There it was, a tiny little heart beating away strong and loud. She said she was going to take my blood to check my levels but she wasn't concerned at all after hearing how strong that heart was. I was ecstatic! I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the afternoon. Even cuter, little soybean kept moving around so she had to chase him/her around my belly to keep listening to it's little heart.

As well as getting to hear an absolutely beautiful sound, I asked her about my vitamins. Lately the morning sickness has been all day and the vitamins have been seemingly impossible to get down. She said because they are food based they dissolve in juice. OMG what a great idea!!! So I've been crushing them up and putting them in orange juice. I seriously cannot taste them at all and it makes me feel so much better to know I'm getting the vitamins I need. She also started me on calcium, it's bone time! She said I can also put that in something like pudding. I can't taste it at all either. I will definitely remember this for future mom's to be, because it could probably help a lot of people.

The Big Sleep (that I wish I could get)

Sorry folks that I have not posted in a while. I have been super dee duper tired! Creating life apparently is an exhausting job! :) One of the reasons I think I have been so tired is because I have not been getting good sleep at night. I toss and turn and toss and turn and eventually go to sleep only to wake up a few hours later and then repeat the same process. I can't get comfortable lately, and its not just lying down, its sitting, standing really anything makes me uncomfortable. I think my back is changing and shifting and I know my organs are, all of which will make someone uncomfortable.

I also have had my first week of soybean being the culprit of my sickness. The vitamins still make me super queasy, but this week every morning I have been awakened by morning sickness. I think this is kind of odd considering we're getting so close to the end of the first trimester and usually that's when all the morning sickness goes away but mine is just starting. I have found a way to sort of combat it though, I drink a glass of ginger ale while I'm getting ready in the morning and that tends to help. So far I have still not thrown up! I thought it was going to happen the other morning though, I have never in my life been to the point of bending over the toilet with spit swelling up in my mouth and not thrown up, until this past Monday morning. And I was like "come on!!! don't do this to me and not go all the way!" lol mainly because I hate being nauseated. I would much rather just throw up, and because I know that I would feel better if it would just happen instead of just sitting wondering if its going to happen.

The vitamin sickness has gotten some better though, I have tried taking them at lunch so that there is more food in my stomach. I still feel a little queasy but its no where near as bad as it was before. So the plan now is to take them with lunch and right before bed and hopefully that will continue to work.

I am still loving being pregnant :). I'm getting a belly and it makes me feel sooooo cute! For the first time when I go shopping I think everything looks good on me because I look just like I should :) Its pretty great. I am really looking forward to it getting  bigger and definitely looking forward to that day I get to actually meet soybean!!!

One Big Fart Joke

Sooooooo 8 weeks yesterday!!! Whoo hoo!!! I have actually started forming a belly. I didn't know it would come this fast but I LOVE it! I can't wait until it gets bigger. Still no weight gain on the scale though (which is kind of weirding me out because I don't know where the belly is coming from if there is no weight being added). Oh well I'm sure the weight is just around the corner :).

Now for the title of the post, I am one big fart joke. My god the gas that comes from being pregnant! LOL it is absolutely indescribable. I feel so bad for the people I work with, even though I'm not sure they've noticed yet (at least not until now right? :)). The thing is I can't figure out why gas is a major symptom of pregnancy. I'm not really eating any different because we already ate pretty healthy so maybe its the vitamins??? I have no idea. It does get very humorous around our house though. Andy is pretty proud sometimes of how loud they are. (Can you tell we've been married long enough to be comfortable now? LOL). The funniest part is that I have no idea the fart is coming. It sneaks up on me just as much as the victim nearest me. Most of the time I laugh just because its so daggum funny but sometimes it can be embarrassing. I'm just waiting for it to happen during a tour of the lab by our supervisors LOL. Oh that will be a blog post for sure!

So far I am adapting to this pretty well. The only thing that has gotten me irritated has been taking the vitamins. A little back history, I have a severe problem swallowing pills. When I was in high school I got an Advil liquid gel stuck in my throat, and since then my brain thinks that is going to happen every time. I literally have to stand with my eyes close and head held back concentrating on swallowing this thing that feels like it is growing by the second. Anyway, because of my psychological issue with pills it is a daily battle to swallow two pills twice a day. More than once I have gagged and even dry heaved trying to get them down, and quite frankly its really getting on my nerves. Its the only thing thus far that has made me mad about my pregnancy and technically it has nothing to do with baby soybean. I'll get used to it I suppose or I'll just do it like I have been doing because its necessary for my child to be born healthy.

Only 32 weeks to go!! OOOOOH and only 7 weeks until our first ultrasound :) I can't wait to see little soybean moving around and hear his/her heart beating :)))

Weight Gain and Recap of How We Learned We Were Pregnant

Hi everyone!!! So, we are now at 7 weeks and 2 days. I have not gained any weight and am very happy to say so. I really don't want to gain way too much weight like alot of people do, that is not to say that I am starving myself or in anyway going hungry. This is my plan... to eat only when I'm hungry and to eat in between meal snacks that are healthy such as carrots, apples etc. I am trying my hardest to avoid desserts. Every once in a while I will eat something sweet but to be honest I don't have much of a sweet tooth anyway. My parents would only give me fruit as a snack when I was little, so to me fruit is more of a dessert than chocolate. I hope my plan works I really don't want to gain too much because that won't be healthy for me or baby soybean, and as I'm sure you know health is a huge deal to me :).

As requested earlier I will tell everyone how I found out I was pregnant. I don't know why I didn't think about writing it in my first post. So here is the story:

It was getting close for my period to be due and I had started feeling weird. I don't really know how to describe it but just not myself. I had said before that I didn't want to test early (before my missed period) because I didn't want to see another negative. To explain that comment I will say this, its AMAZING how hard we women try not to get pregnant to only discover how difficult it actually is. I mean obviously its not like impossible (at least not for us) but in the movies you know its like one time and BAM you're pregnant. Not the case in real life and as I've discovered not the case for the majority of couples. So anyway back to the story, we were sitting in the living room and I was on the computer and I just said to Andy "I kind of want to go buy a pregnancy test tonight". He was like "really? why?" I said "I don't know I just feel like we should because I've felt weird". He suggested I wait an hour and see if I still wanted to go buy one. I waited and when the hour was over I still wanted to go buy one. CVS is right beside our house so we just went over there and bought a test. We came home and I took it. You have to wait 3 minutes before you get the results so we set down the test and went into the kitchen to make a snack. We just stood around and talked and then I was like the 3 minutes are up. I walked over to pick up the test completely expecting it to be negative. Andy thought it would be negative too so we both were pretty nonchalant about looking at it. I picked it up and was like "OMG!!!!! OMG ANDY IT'S POSITIVE!!! IT'S POSITIVE!!!!". I started bouncing I got so excited about it. He ran up to me and hugged me and we just stood there for a few minutes hugging until it completely sunk in. I went and got it confirmed a week later and all my levels were good, which is when we decided to tell everyone.

I didn't surprise Andy with the news by hiding the fact that I was taking a test or anything like that because I wanted him to be with me. We had been trying for a while so it was nice to find out together and be surprised together. It was pretty surreal and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

warding off morning sickness and negative comments

I have been feeling very sick pretty much every morning and I was trying to figure out a way to get rid of it. It finally came to me what it may be. Usually I take my prenatal vitamins in the morning and then I try to eat some breakfast, of course that usually means I can't get much down because I feel so queasy. I decided to try it the opposite way: eat then take my prenatal vitamins. It worked!! I had no problems this morning and didn't feel queasy at all. It must have been the vitamins hitting my empty stomach, so that one is checked off the list no more morning sickness! Other symptoms that I have had have been going to the bathroom constantly. It's not really an inconvenience yet and really it makes me get some much needed exercise by walking to the bathroom over and over. From what I've read and heard it will get worse when the baby is lying and moving around on my bladder but hey, more exercise I'll be running to the bathroom then ;). The only other symptom I can think of is breast soreness and growth. (TMI? well I promised to be honest remember??? :)) I really am going to have to buy a new bra soon because they have grown so fast, which has really shocked me! It's made me a little concerned at how much they will have grown by October... I hope I don't get the nickname Dolly :-D.

Now to move on to the other topic of the title of my post. Negative comments. It has been brought to my attention that maybe people don't fully understand why we have chosen the birthing plan that we have, and as I have learned sometimes people get very heated about my beliefs and ideas. I want to be clear because I don't want anyone to take me the wrong way. I do not have a vendetta against doctors and hospitals. I think doctors are very smart individuals and I think for the most part they are very good at their jobs. I blame most of their patients who want interventions and most have never seen a natural birth from start to finish. Part of my problem with clarity is the word natural. When I say natural I don't mean just vaginal birth. Just because you have your baby vaginally does not mean it was a natural birth. When I say natural I mean no interventions, no epidural, no pitocin, no forceps and no vacuum. I mean completely just giving birth and feeling everything and pushing on my own. I think most women are capable of handling the pushing and the labor, I do believe there are cases where a woman will need a c section but it is very difficult for me to think of a scenario where any other intervention is necessary. I say all of that to say this, these are my personal beliefs on how I think a child should be brought into the world and what I think is best for me and my baby. If you do not share these beliefs with me I have no problem with that, but please don't yell at me and try to convince me that I am wrong. I have done so much research on this subject to come to this conclusion and it is what's best for me. I'm not asking anyone to adopt my beliefs as their own so please don't expect me to adopt yours as mine. All I ask is that people research this subject on their own. You may be surprised as to what you learn and make an informed decision for yourself about what you want to do for your birthing plan.

I hope in saying all that I do not offend or upset anyone it's just something I wanted to get off my chest. I do hope that this blog gives me a chance to open up in writing and share with all of you my feelings and really show you who I am. I do hope you're enjoying reading :) Can't wait to share more of my experiences!!!

6 Weeks :)

I have never started a blog before, so forgive me if it is a little rough starting. I decided to start this blog about my pregnancy in a way for me to be completely honest about the amazing state of being pregnant. I promise to not flower up anything that happens to me during these next months and also not to exaggerate. 

So, let's get started. I am 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow and just announced to the world today that we are expecting. To start out my experience I think it is important to tell you our plan for this baby. We are going to be using a midwife at a birthing center rather than a doctor in a hospital. Natural birth to me makes the most sense to bring a child into the world because it is in fact extremely natural. Women's bodies were made to give birth and, in my opinion, epidurals, inductions, and in most cases c sections are not necessary. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that doctors are in the world and there are some cases that a woman will need c section, however, in this country the last statistic taken was 38% of all births are by c section. This number is astonishing! Many women even ask for c sections because of many reasons. They don't want to endure labor, or they want their child to be born on a certain day. Inductions being given for a lot of the same reasons. I want my child to have as much "baking" time as possible. After all nobody has ever been pregnant forever eventually you will go into labor. As for the labor process, call me crazy but I am looking forward to labor. I think it will be an empowering and beautiful experience to have my child the way I was meant to. I know I can do it and it will be all around positive.

Symptoms. Ah the symptoms of pregnancy. Yes I have felt sick and queasy. I have not thrown up yet, although every morning I am certain I will have to pull over on the side of the road on the way to work to puke...but it hasn't happened yet. I've been extremely tired and gassy but for the most part I have been feeling pretty good. I look at symptoms as any symptom is a good one because I know my baby soybean is growing stronger everyday :). I am determined not to complain about symptoms. Again, don't get me wrong I don't expect to like some of the symptoms that may come but I do think all of it is completely worth it. 

I can't wait to have a belly and I definitely can't wait to share more of the experience with you!!! We won't get an ultrasound until the second trimester, because studies have shown that ultrasound waves are not good for the developing fetus. We are waiting until he or she is more developed for that :) Oh and we aren't finding out the sex until he or she is born. That part is so exciting to me :) If its a girl her name will be Timpani Jeannine (Jeannine was my mom's name she died back in 2008 and I want to honor her by naming my daughter after her) and if its a boy his name will be Onyx Geoffrey. 

I hope I can shed some positive honest light on pregnancy and I'm really looking forward to sharing!!! 

Here's to a positive pregnancy!!!!